I'm back. . .I hope

So a lot has happened so I have lots to catch up on. After lots of frustration, I finally went to see an orthopedic surgeon. I wanted the official opinion about whether running would re-injure my foot. He told me to slowly build and listen to my foot. If pain lasted more than two days, back off. Otherwise, training for my races should be fine. He didn't completely rule out a stress fracture but my insurance is finicky about MRIs so we opted not to do one and go with the tendinitis diagnosis. 

I set out running two days a week to train for Ragnar Napa Valley. I was building to 8 miles/23 miles. It was too late to try to run all those miles so I was going to run/elliptical. Shortly into my training, I had a conversation with my brother. He has torn his minicus, again. We talked with the rest of our team and determined that we would sell our team and try again in a few years. So now I'm just training for the St. George Marathon. Fortunately, I have enough time, barring another injury, to train all of my miles on the road. 

Last Saturday was my first all road, all running training run. My husband and I went 11 miles. The farthest I had gone on my foot up to that point was only seven miles. I handled it okay until about 8 or 9 miles in and then I could really feel the work. Everything from my knees down hurt. My hip flexors were sore, my calves were screaming knots, my feet hurt and every single tendon was sore. I have just babied everything so that my foot could heal. I made it through those 11 miles and was sore in my calves and tendons for a few days. I knew if I could just make it through about three runs, my body would adapt to my new "normal". 

Last night, I set all my running stuff out, my shorts and tank, shoes, sunglasses, Garmin, hydration vest. I set my alarm clock for 5:30 so we could be out the door at 6:00. 5:30 rolls around and it's raining. Really pouring. My husband looked up a radar weather map and I headed outside. It was windy. Really windy. And then I saw the clencher: lightning. I do NOT run in or around lightning. We went back to bed, all the while I was frettng that my foot wouldn't be able to handle a 4 mile jump in miles. I was also worrying about losing time for my body to adapt. I woke up at 7:30 to cloud cover. I decided to eat breakfast and then go to the gym and run as much as I could stand on the track and treadmill. I ate breakfast on the deck and realized it was cooler outside than inside. It's been weeks since that has happened. The cloud cover looked like it would hold for a while so I decided to head out and see how far I could go before it got too warm. My husband quickly got ready and joined me. At five miles we were down to only light cloud cover and by eight, my husband told me he had been fighting what he thought was a side ache for awhile. I handed him half of the Clif bar I had and we walked while he ate it. I could tell that my body was already holding up better than last week. About a mile or so down the road, my husband decided maybe he was hungry and that was the real problem so I handed him the other half. We kind of ran/walked for another mile or so and he told me to finish the run and he would just walk home. It wasn't fast but I did it. I ran 13 miles today and it felt okay. My tendons will likely be a little sore, maybe my calves but I did it. And without pain meds. 

Next week we head out for 15. I'll check the forcast a few days out and plan accordingly. Thanks for checking back in with me. Let me know if you have any questions and come back agan soon. :)

Training for Napa Valley, so far

So I have a piece of advice for anyone out there:  if you have an injury, first realize it. Second, let it heal. Third, you're done. Several weeks ago, my foot started hurting again. Initially I thought maybe I just needed to re-strengthen my foot and it would heal. About two weeks later, it got worse and I had swelling that you could see, not just feel. I started taking it easy, again.  I called my doctor to see if we should have some imaging done and was told to wrap it and take pain meds through the weekend. Check back in after the weekend. I knew that wasn't going to work so I ran on my foot. The doctor didn't tell me not to. I ended up back in the doctor's office where I saw the nurse practitioner. She told me she thought I was probably mis-diagnosed back in December when I had my initial x-ray, probably had a stress fracture, and she ordered another one. Guess what? No stress fracture. I was told to wrap my foot and stablize it and the end. The soft tissue swelling was visible on the x-ray. So now I have been a week and a half with my foot in an ugly blue "shoe" and it's summer. The good news is that I really do think it is healing. It used to be that when I would stand up, particularly when I would stand up and walk after sitting for a while, my foot would hurt for the first few steps. With the shoe on, I can walk without my foot hurting. I suspect that even when my foot finally does heal, I'll always have a little tenderness or twinging pain. It's just been inflammed for so long I don't think it will ever be normal again. 

So, last summer and fall when I was training for the St. George Marathon, I think my foot hurt. I don't know when when it started. I was running a lot. You can't run like I was running and not spend a lot of time without some discomfort. It wasn't until after the marathon that I realized I had tendonitis. When I did, I slowed down. When it didn't heal, I slowed down even more.  My real problem was I don't know when I first had the injury. I wasn't paying attention. It could have only been days but it's more likely it was weeks or months. I just don't know and I wish I could go back. If you catch it right away and take time off, tendinitis heals in a few weeks, usually with no medical intervention. I have no idea how long I'll be down this time. I'm going crazy. Today I should be running 5 miles with a 7 miler tomorrow. My plan is to do Napa Valley Ragnar. I just don't know how it's going to turn out. 

Thanks for checking in with me. Hopefully I'll be back out there soon. Stay with your goals and let me know if you have any questions. 

My very first marathon

My first marathon happened after I had already run my very first 50K. I already knew I could do the distance. My husband decided that he too wanted to do it so we both signed up to run the St. George Marathon. For those of you unfamiliar with the climate of St. George, let me explain. I love it here. I can run year round. In December and January, when the rest of the world is freezing and trying to dig their way our of feet of snow, we are enjoying beautiful sunshine. The trade off is a few weeks in the summer that can sometimes be blistering. We see our first 100 temps as early as May, often though in June. We usually spend six weeks straight at 100+ degrees. I will happily made the trade of a few weeks of hot for no snow. The St. George Marathon runs the first Saturday in October. That means your peak week is usually the first or second week in September. That means you have to buld your highest miles when it's hot. Let's get back to training for my first marathon. It was miserable. My husband and I would go out early, a few times starting around 2am. I don't do that anymore. My husband really struggled with the heat. I do okay as long as we're moving because we create wind as we run. The morning of the marathon was warm. We had had cloud cover over night so we didn't cool off too much. At the starting line, it was cooler and windy. They were handing out trash bags because it was starting to rain. I had on a jacket with a hood and gloves but I still took the trash bag. As we started the race, I tossed it to the side of the road, like many others. My plan was to run with my brother and sister-in-law. My husband had sprained his ankle two weeks before the marathon playing softball so he was on his own (he did finish). St. George has a mass start so there are people everywhere. It's easy to get cut off and that's what happened to me. My brother and sister-in-law got through but I didn't. I watched as their lead grew over the next few miles and I never could catch up. By mile 5, I was alone and wet and cold. I remember coming into an aid station and letting my arms drop. They tingled for the next 2 or 3 miles so I decided not to let them drop again until I crossed the finish line. Somewhere along the way, I couldnt't get my nutrition open because my fingers were too cold so I stopped eating what I brought and ate only occasionally on yhe course.  I was so cold that I didn't think about dehydration but I stopped drinking too. I finished that year in 4 hours and 40 minutes. That was about 20 minutes slower than my projected finish time. I heard later that most people ran betwee 10 and 30 minutes slower than usual. I friend of mine told me she had a friend that went home and weighed her clothes and shoes. They weighed 10 pounds. We waited at the finish line for my husband to finish. He came in nearly 2 hours after me but he did it on a sprained ankle. It was several years later before he decided he wanted to do the marathon again. 

I learned a few things from my first marathon. First, I was never going to do St. George again. It was too hard to train for. Second, never say never. I changed my mind about 3 weeks later and have now done this race six times. Third, regardless of the conditions, eat and drink. This race and recovery didn't have to be as miserable as they were. Pushing myself a little bit and not dwelling on my misery would have helped too. I have looked back on this race many times and each time I grateful I did it. It was a learning experience for me. Hopefully it can be a learning experience for others too. 

Thanks for checking back with me. I'm supposed to be training for Ragnar Napa Valley but I think I may have broken my foot. Hope things are going well for you. Check back again soon. 

Boston Marathon 2014

I know you are all on edge, anxiously awaiting my story from the Boston Marathon. Well, the story starts a few weeks ago. I started physical therapy in February. My insurance agreed to pay for eight visits. Things went fairly well but at the end of eight, I still wasn't better. My insurance agreed to three more visits. I "graduated" physical therapy better but not well. I was frustrated and had decided to give massage therapy a try. I had a conversation with my sister and she told me her mother-in-law did massage therapy and used other holistic healing. I saw her and could tell this might really help. The first time I talked with her, she asked how long I had had my injury. I told her at least back to the St. George Marathon, but probably further. She made a sarcastic comment about how maybe it went back to nearly being bombed in Boston last year. That thought has been sitting in the back of my mind for weeks now. I saw Suzie, the massage therapist, twice before we lt for Boston.  I am pretty sure Suzie was making a difference. 

We got to Boston late Friday morning. I had been anxious for weeks, especially in the days leading up to our flight out. My emotions were sitting just below the surface and really ridiculous things would set me off. Friday we met our host and spent some time with her family. Saturday was a big day. We went into Boston and went to the expo and picked up our packets. We went to the Old South Church. They had organized a scarf project shortly after the events of last year. They had people all over the world make scarfs and send them to the Old South Church. They wanted enough to give to all the runners this year. We got some made by children, which seemed appropriate. We went to the "Dear Boston" exhibit at the library. That was really emotional. We walked back along the course to where we were stopped last year and then walked it in to the finish line. That was also emotional but I think it was healing too. We called it a day early since the next day was Easter. Sunday we planned to go to the Old South Church for the blessing of the athletes but since it was Easter Sunday, everyone in town wanted to go to church, in a historical place. We ended up going to our own church's worship service. We went to the athlete dinner just as early as we could and then went to our new host's house in Hopkinton. We spent a quiet evening with her and got to bed at a good time. 

Monday. Race day!  We slept in. Staying in Hopkinton has its benefits. We watched the early starts on TV and then walked just over a mile to the starting corrals. It was warmer than the forecast but we had left 80 degree temps when we left for Boston so the heat didn't bother us too much. The first six miles were uneventful. Have I mentioned that the longest run I had done to train for Boston was six miles?  We planned to eat at miles 5, 10, 15, 19, and 23. That worked just fine. I planned to take ibuprofen at 6 and 18 miles. That didn't work. By mile 8 I could tell I needed to change my thinking. I spent the next 4-5 miles trying to decide how to change my thinking. I was hurting and I was worried about how deep I was going to have to dig to finish. I took more pain meds at mile 12. The first set kicked in about mile 13. At mile 15, I found my endurance legs. They were a little rusty but ready to go. By the time we hit the hills of Newton, I really was feeling pretty good, better than anyone who didn't properly train should feel. There wasn't one hill I didn't fly up and it felt good. Throughout the race, the crowds were amazing. You could draw from their energy when you needed it. It was wonderful. Around 19 or 20, I could feel the work in my hips. By 23 they were starting to hurt. By that point, our pace was still great and I knew I didn't want to walk. It hurts to start again and it takes longer. When we got close to the place we were stopped last year, I got emotional. I couldn't help it. But I think I needed that. This year we got to run under Mass Ave. We got to turn right on Hereford St. (That little hill hurts at this point!). We got to turn left onto Boylston St. Wow!  It really is everything we hoped it would be. The crowds were huge and the energy they were putting off was amazing. I won't lie, Boylston is longer when you are running it than when you are simply looking down it. Hand in hand, my husband and I finished the Boston Marathon in 4 hours and 20 minutes. Ironically, in about the same time as we were projected to finish last year. My emotions were back as the volunteers put my finish medal around my neck. My phone rang off the hook with messages of love and support and congratulations from family and friends. Boston 2014 was everything I had hoped Boston 2013 would be only more so. Law enforcement were everywhere and I was so grateful to each one for taking the time to ensure my safety. 

We came home today and I am feeling more whole than I have in so long. More than just emotionally. Physically too. In the last few weeks, the morning after I run, my tendon is stiff. Today it wasn't. My body is. I did run a marathon. But my tendon seems fine. Which leads me back to the question Suzie asked me a few weeks ago. The injury does not go back to Boston last year.  However, I am starting to wonder if my injury was my body's way of saying, "You're not dealing with your emotions. I'm going to make you."  Time will tell.  In the meantime, I am grateful. I'm grateful to have finished.  I'm grateful for the dhance to get to.  I'm grateful to the BAA for all of their work in facilitaing the marathon. I'm grateful to all the law enforement for their presence and protection. I'm grateful for anyone who ever asked how I was doing, offered their love, support, and prayers. I'm grateful to my husband, my favorite running partner, for his support and belief in me and generally being simply amazing. I'm grateful to my God. If not for my belief in Him and His tender mercies, I don't know if I would have had the courage to go back and finish what we started. 

Thanks for checking in with me. Come back again soon.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to leave them here. Thanks again!

Today, this is a soapbox

It's important to state here that I don't usually use my blog as a forum to vent but I have decided that it is completely appropriate  and probably beneficial. Everyone could occasionally use a reminder.

So I was out running yesterday (I know! I was happy too!) and several times felt like I was taking my life  in my hands to be outside running. I realize that people are in a hurry and that time is precious. I get it, I really do. All I ask is that you acknowledge that my LIFE is important and precious too. So this is what happens far too often. A driver comes to an intersection, preparing to turn right. They come to the intersection and slow into the cross walk, looking only at the traffic to the left as they prepare to merge. They see no traffic and never really stopped so they start to merge. It's at about this point when I have the walk sign on and have entered the cross walk that my life flashes before my eyes and I'm starting to think my children will be orphans. The driver never even bothered to consider pedestrian traffic.

When I'm out running, I follow all traffic laws. I check, double check, and often triple check before crossing a street. I try to make eye contact with drivers. I can't tell you how many times I have nearly been hit by a car (once nearly a garbage truck) in a cross walk with the walk sign on. I promise no where that anyone needs to go is ever so important or pressing that it's worth risking the life of another person. Even if it didn't kill the pedestrian, it could cause an injury that could change their quality of life. Hitting a runner could make it so they could never run again. That would devastate me, likewise for many other runners I know. I don't know how you could ever live with yourself if you hurt or killed someone because you didn't take the time to look.

My advice, unsolicited I know, is simple. As you approach an intersection, don't just look at automobile traffic. Look for pedestrian traffic too. Double check sidewalks and cross walks. If you see foot traffic approaching a cross walk, don't park in it. Pull back and wait. You may earn yourself a grateful wave from a tired runner.

Alright, I'm done now. I have seen too many close calls and experienced too many myself that I felt like it was important enough to merit a blog post. Thanks for checking in with me. I hope you are experiencing success in your fitness goals. Check back in again soon. I may get one more post in before Boston. We'll see. Best of luck!

Facing the fear

I'm okay, at least I thnk I am. If you've read my blogs, you know my husband and I went to Boston last year to run the marathon. We got 3/4 of a mile from the finish before we were stopped because of events at the finish line. If you haven't, I have 2 or 3 posts about that event. Initially, I was okay. I had a few days when I wasn't and then I was okay again. I have had a few events over the last 11 months that have triggered some anxiety from the Boston Marathon. One was reading the June or July issue of Runner's World. I blogged about that. Now, as the Boston Marathon approaches this year and we are getting closer to going back, I find myself getting anxious. The events of April 15, 2013 do not usually affect my daily life. I'm so grateful for that. 

As April 21, 2014 approaches, it is becoming more and more obvious that I have to face my fears. Boston is so far away that I may never have had to deal with my emotions; however, the finish line and the euphoria of running to it were stolen from me. I think something else was taken from me that day too. The only way I'll ever get whatever "it" was back, is to go back and finish. Honestly, I don't really want to go. I have to leave my kids and the timing is hard and I haven't really gotten to run and train like I'd like to have. But I recognize I have to go back. As long as I'm here, I don't have to deal with things but to truly be "whole" again, I do. I need to go back. I need to be in Boston. I need to walk the finish line. I need to finish. I don't want to and I am terrified of the emotions that may surface. 

My oldest daughter doesn't want us to go back. She's scared that we'll have a repeat of last year. My argument to her is that Boston will never be safer than it will be this year. I believe that. The BAA is really cracking down on security. And not just with the spectators. They are really scrutinizing the runners and what will be allowed and what won't and the like. The Boston Marathon will be safe this year. My fear is my feelings. 

But, I refuse to live in fear. If I do, I surrender more of myself to people who already stole so much from so many. I won't let that happen. I will take a deep breath, square my shoulders, and board that plane. I will walk the streets of Boston, cross that finsih line and deal with my emotions. I will face my fears  And I will come home a stronger woman because of it. 

Runners the world over will unite on April 21, 2014 in Boston and all over the world, just like we did shortly after Boston last year and have been doing over the passed year. We will be one in purpose, mind and heart. We are strong. We are runners. 

Too much time NOT running

When I first took time off from running to heal my foot, I didn't spend much time thnking about running. People used to ask me all the time why I run and my response has always been because I loved it. When pressed for a slightly deeper reason, I would respond with things like I wanted to set a good example for my family or that it makes me a better mom, wife, and person. With my very long break, I have had to take a deeper look at why I run and why I'm fighting so hard to get it back. 

All of my previous reasons are still accurate. I do run to set a good example, to be a better mom, wife, and person, and because I love it. I've discovered just how much I reallly love running. I am literally crazy jealous when I'm driving down the road and I see someone running (spring is in full bloom here so the road is FULL with runners all the time!). My heart hurts because I miss it so much. My forced break has made me discover why running is so important tot me. When I first started running, I was just doing it because I could, not out of love. The feeling you get when you train for a race and then cross the finishline was a bonus. But when I first started running, I ran by myself. Initially I ran listening to music but I quickly grew tired of my music. After that, I started running with just my thoughts. Let me back up further, 

I got married when I was 19. I was in love and the time was right, but I was young. We got pregnant right away, our oldest being born 10 days early on our nine-month wedding anniversary. We didn't want too big a break between our children so we had our children close. Our oldest went to kindergarten two weeks after our baby was born. I do not regret any of my decisions. I stand by them. However, somewhere during becoming a wife and then mother to four children, I lost me. I was so busy being a mom and taking care of my family, I didn't know who I was anymore. I was unsure of my likes, my dreams, my goals. Fast forward a couple of years to my hours and miles of training. I found me. I re-discovered me and my likes and my goals. I was amazed to discover that my goals had changed from the last time I had really taken the time to evaluate my goals. When I was younger, "fun" and "run" would never have been associated with each other. Now they were synonomis. 

Because I found myself running, and I liked who I found, I have held so tightly to it. These last five months have been so difficult.  I have cried and pouted and been slightly depressed.  But re-evaluating why I run has ignited a fire within me and a deep desire to fight and fight hard.  I will continue to fight to keep myself running and thankfully, my physical therapist and ASTYM will eventually get me back. 

Thanks for checking in with me. I hope you a chasng your dreams and goals and I look forward to you coming back again soon.