Too much time NOT running

When I first took time off from running to heal my foot, I didn't spend much time thnking about running. People used to ask me all the time why I run and my response has always been because I loved it. When pressed for a slightly deeper reason, I would respond with things like I wanted to set a good example for my family or that it makes me a better mom, wife, and person. With my very long break, I have had to take a deeper look at why I run and why I'm fighting so hard to get it back. 

All of my previous reasons are still accurate. I do run to set a good example, to be a better mom, wife, and person, and because I love it. I've discovered just how much I reallly love running. I am literally crazy jealous when I'm driving down the road and I see someone running (spring is in full bloom here so the road is FULL with runners all the time!). My heart hurts because I miss it so much. My forced break has made me discover why running is so important tot me. When I first started running, I was just doing it because I could, not out of love. The feeling you get when you train for a race and then cross the finishline was a bonus. But when I first started running, I ran by myself. Initially I ran listening to music but I quickly grew tired of my music. After that, I started running with just my thoughts. Let me back up further, 

I got married when I was 19. I was in love and the time was right, but I was young. We got pregnant right away, our oldest being born 10 days early on our nine-month wedding anniversary. We didn't want too big a break between our children so we had our children close. Our oldest went to kindergarten two weeks after our baby was born. I do not regret any of my decisions. I stand by them. However, somewhere during becoming a wife and then mother to four children, I lost me. I was so busy being a mom and taking care of my family, I didn't know who I was anymore. I was unsure of my likes, my dreams, my goals. Fast forward a couple of years to my hours and miles of training. I found me. I re-discovered me and my likes and my goals. I was amazed to discover that my goals had changed from the last time I had really taken the time to evaluate my goals. When I was younger, "fun" and "run" would never have been associated with each other. Now they were synonomis. 

Because I found myself running, and I liked who I found, I have held so tightly to it. These last five months have been so difficult.  I have cried and pouted and been slightly depressed.  But re-evaluating why I run has ignited a fire within me and a deep desire to fight and fight hard.  I will continue to fight to keep myself running and thankfully, my physical therapist and ASTYM will eventually get me back. 

Thanks for checking in with me. I hope you a chasng your dreams and goals and I look forward to you coming back again soon.